Dear Belarich: We Live Together But He Wants No Commitment...

Dear Belarich,

 About eight months ago I met a very handsome man. Almost immediately we began spending every day together, including spending the night with each other. However, I noticed that he would slowly bring his things over to my house (such as bags of clothes, toothbrush, computer, BATH TOWELS).

 After two weeks of dating he asked me where I thought the relationship was going. I answered that I thought we might be able to be a couple in the near future and he told me that he wasn't ready for a relationship because he lost his job, doesn't have a place to stay, and is focused on trying to get back on his own two feet so that he could take care of his daughter. He also told me that he just came out of a terrible relationship (she cheated on him and he ended up getting a restraining order against her) and that he isn't in the position to fully give his heart to a woman right now. I understood that and allowed him to move in with me. continue

Since then we have gotten really close, he’s busy starting a business and I am busy pursuing my law career. He never asks me for money and he contributes to rent, utilities, and groceries. He’s always with me on the weekends, he rarely goes out, and I've snooped through his phone and he doesn't seem to be communicating with any other women.
The problem is, every now and then we get into these heated arguments because I am tired of just being a friend to him. After eight months of spending every day together, having sex, and getting to know each other on a deeper level, I feel that I am head over heels in love with him and ready for a relationship.
Every time I bring up the conversation he says that he can only be a close friend to me right now and that he can see us being together in the future. He always mentions that he isn't seeing any other women and that he feels that having a relationship will distract him from doing the things he needs to do in life right now which is to save money and work to make his business a success.
He has introduced me to his family and I have met his daughter, but he introduces me as a “friend.” He never takes me out because he doesn't have the funds, but he has done other things like cook me fancy dinners. I’m in love with him and I am willing to wait but I’m apprehensive that when he finally gets on his feet he will move on from me and all of the time we spent together will be a waste. My friends keep telling me he is using me because he doesn't want a relationship but he keeps telling me that he wants to be financially stable before he thinks about being in a relationship. I need your help. IS HE USING ME? – Totally Confused

Dear Ms. Totally Confused,

Now, let me get this straight – You let a man move into your house whom you’d only known for a short period of time, he doesn't have a job, he’s not emotionally or mentally capable of giving you what you need, and he’s told you that he doesn't want to be in a relationship, and although you've met his family he only introduces you as his “friend,” and you want to know if he is using you? (* - *) Blank stare at you! What the hell do you think? Please, please, please for the love of God could you for once in your in life use the good sense God gave you and stop being so freaking naïve and gullible. Keep it stepping...

Bela's Corner: Why Seeking Revenge is Bad For You...

Revenge…they say it’s a dish best served cold. We’ve all wanted to get back at someone – especially an ex who has done us dirty. I’ve dreamt of ways to get back at a guy who cheated on me and you’d be surprised how creative one can be when motivated enough to seek revenge. But I’ve never actually gone through with it – mainly because the thoughts alone were satisfying enough and I quickly came to my senses and realized it wasn’t worth it. Plus, I didn’t want to catch a case.

But when I read articles about women busting windows out of cars, or renting billboards or taking out full page ads in magazines blasting their exes, I can’t help but think they’re a little bit cray cray. I’m sure some of you even have friends who air their dirty laundry on Facebook and Twitter, talking about what a lowdown dirty dog their ex-man is and how the sex was wack, he’s a two-minute brotha and hasn’t had a job since a job had him. They may think they’re getting him back by putting all his business on front street, but really what they’re doing is making themselves look foolish. If someone has done something terrible to you, seeking revenge may seem like a natural reaction, but here are a few reasons why plotting revenge may be a bad, bad idea. Click to continue...

1. YOU LOOK CRAZY

I’ll admit, sometimes when I see a woman tossing her man’s things out of a window and she’s kicking his A$ to the curb, I say to myself, “That’s right girl, don’t take no isht from that loser!” But when I hear stories of women taking a bat to a man’s windshield or super gluing his private parts to his leg to get back at him for sleeping with her best friend, I shake my head thinking that the woman is a bit unstable. Sure, the man probably deserves everything she does to him, but from a distance without knowing the details, the woman just looks nuts. Do you really want to be known as the crazy chick in the neighborhood? No one is going to remember what he did to you, they’re only going to remember that you went bat-isht crazy on him.

2. YOU JUSTIFY YOUR EX’S ACTIONS
No one deserves to be cheated on, lied to, deceived or abused – and if your man has done any of those things to you, I can see why you’d want to post fliers in your neighborhood with the word “DOG” written on them and a photo of his face. But if your man says he cheated on you or left you because you’re crazy, people will probably believe him. No one will care that he treated you badly because all they see is your bad behavior – and bad behavior is never rewarded. Don’t counter his actions with even WORSE actions. Simply move on so that he (and no one else) never has anything negative to say about you.

3. IT’S WEAK

We may be hurt or angry when someone does us wrong, but a strong woman knows how to handle adversity. Seeking revenge on someone is easy, but taking the high road shows that you’re a mature, well-adjusted individual who knows how to deal in a crisis. The pain and anger may be real and justifiable, but don’t ever let anyone get the best of you. The pain will eventually go away and you’ll be a stronger person for not allowing bitterness to take a hold of you.

4. SATISFACTION IS ONLY TEMPORARY
It probably felt really good throwing that brick through his window…at the time. But now what? Has that taught him a lesson about being faithful? Does that change the fact that he did something to hurt you? Of course not. The damage is already done and no amount of destruction you can do to his personal property can change the past. If you MUST get your feelings out and off your chest, write your rants down in a journal or call your girlfriends and vent to them. Just make sure you don’t call on friends who encourage you to do anything crazy. Remember, good friends don’t let friends play themselves.

5. CONSEQUENCES

Good friends also implore you to consider the consequences of your actions. Maybe you feel that he deserves to be humiliated the same way he humiliated you – so you email all of his friends and co-workers detailing all of his transgressions (think Garcelle Beauvais and her ex). You think it’s embarrassing to him and harmless enough – until you find out that he’s been fired from his job. Some revenge schemes can go a bit too far and if you want him to get fired because of something in your relationship, you’re just as bad as he is. What happened between you two personally is not something someone should lose friends or a job over. You might be too angry to care about the repercussions of your actions now, but eventually you could live to regret the damage you caused by taking your revenge a little too far.

6. YOU (OR SOMEONE ELSE) COULD GET HURT

When a person is angry, it’s sometimes hard to think past the rage he/she feels that is causing him/her to seek revenge. All one can focus on is payback at any costs, but that can be dangerous. One of the main reasons I never sought to do any physical harm to an ex’s property was because I was afraid he might go off on me…and I’m not trying to get choked out! If the man you’re seeking revenge on has a bad temper, he may either hurt you for humiliating him or damaging his property, or call on his crazy female cousins to do it for him. Even if it’s not physical harm that could be caused, think about the emotional damage you could be doing to his family or children should you seek to embarrass him. You may think he deserves it but all the drama simply isn’t worth it.

7. FUTURE DATES

Usually when you look to get back at someone, you have to put yourself out there in order to do it. Even if you feel justified in your actions, as stated before, you could be the one who winds up looking crazy…and who wants to date crazy? If word gets out that you’re the girl who tried to cut off your ex’s genitals with a dirty razor blade, then chances are the next guy won’t be rushing to date you anytime soon. I don’t know any men out there who think Lorena Bobbitt is hot. Nothing you say will be able to convince the next dude that your ex did something so bad that he deserved THAT type of reaction. All everyone will wonder is how you’ll handle the next breakup…and if he’s smart, the next guy won’t want to find out.

8. BAD KARMA

You may feel that his action deserves an equal and opposite reaction – and that the person who wronged you deserves to be punished. I get that…totally understandable. But what most people don’t realize is that karma can, and usually will, take care of that person for you. It might even be in a much more harsh way than anything you could come up with yourself. The problem with most humans is that we want to see the person who hurt us suffer for ourselves; we want revenge to be swift – and the only way to make sure they get their just due is to do it ourselves. Let the Universe handle it so that you can move on with a clear conscience. Bad behavior is bad behavior, so getting the person back that hurt you makes you just as bad as he or she is…and you’ll be setting yourself up for your own personal failure. Keep the positive energy on your side so that karma doesn’t come after you too.

9. DELAYS HEALING

Usually an elaborate revenge plot takes time – to think up and to execute, which is too much time spent on someone who really shouldn’t matter to you. The time and energy it takes to plan the demise of an ex-lover is time that you could be using to help heal yourself and move on. No one is saying that you can’t be angry for what was done to you, but take that anger and use it to fuel your workouts or spending it with people who care about you. Concentrate all of your energy on positive thoughts and getting over the pain and anger someone has caused you. Plotting revenge is a waste of time and it’ll only make you become someone you don’t like. Want to really get back at him? Be happy – and getting a “revenge makeover” doesn’t hurt either. It’ll make you feel good about yourself and he will see what he’s really missing – and that’s the best revenge anyone can ask for!

Money Matter: Facebook CEO Reaped $2.3 Billion Gain on Stock Options

...and you are there facebooking your history...Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg reaped a gain of nearly $2.3 billion last year when he exercised 60 million stock options just before the online social networking leader's initial public offering.

The windfall detailed in regulatory documents filed Friday saddled the 28-year-old Zuckerberg with a massive tax bill. He raised the money to pay it by selling 30.2 million Facebook Inc. shares for $38 apiece, or $1.1 billion, in the IPO.

Facebook's stock hasn't closed above $38 since the IPO was completed last May. The shares gained 71 cents Friday to close at $26.85.

The 29 percent decline from Facebook's IPO price has cost Zuckerberg nearly $7 billion on paper, based on the 609.5 million shares of company stock that he still owns. His current stake is still worth $16.4 billion.

Beyonce and Andre 3000 Remake Amy Winehouse's "Back to Black" Song

Last week, a snippet of the much-talked about remake of “Back To Black”, which was originally recorded by the late Amy Winehouse, hit the internet but was quickly taken down.There has been much talk about Roc Nation bossman Jay-Z snagging his wife and 3 stacks to remake the Winehouse favorite, and now the full version of the song has finally been released. Continue to the song...

Kim Kardashian Flaunts Her Baby Bump in Greece...

In my head, i'm thinking: how the hell is she going to loose all that weight...With a camera crew in tow, six-months-pregnant Kim Kardashian has arrived on the Greek island of Mykonos for a family vacation. Due in July, the reality star, 32, was photographed on Friday, April 26, taking a solo stroll in the picturesque spot. Although Kanye West's love draped her famous figure in a camouflage-patterned sarong as usual, she did anything but blend into her surroundings. See Kim before the pregnancy..

Primark Factory Collapse Killing Over 230 Workers in Bangladesh (PHOTOS)

How can you allow people work in a building like that?! ...Bangladeshi rescue workers are continuing their increasingly desperate for survivors in a collapsed clothes factory building where workers made cheap clothes for Primark. Hundreds were killed when the eight-storey Rana Plaza in Savar on the outskirts of Dhakar collapsed yesterday, the day after cracks were seen in its walls. The death toll continues to rise and currently stands at more than 230. Forty people have been pulled alive from the rubble today. There were agonising scenes of grief as relatives lined up to identify corpses laid outside a local school building. One woman screamed in anguish as she reached out to her mother, pulled dead from the heartbreaking scene of destruction. see more pix after the cut...

Beyonce Covers May Issue of Vanity Fair Italy (Photo)

Mrs. Carter has made her way to the cover of Vanity Fair Italy. Beyonce looks stunning in a Givenchy by Riccardo Tisci optic-white organza dress on the May cover - which some of you may have already seen. The Patrick Demarchelier-photographed image was originally used in the March issue of Vogue magazine here in the US, but as the old saying goes, "if it ain't broke, don't fix it." Instead of using the same cover photo as Vogue, Vanity Fair chose to use this equally as amazing shot for the cover of their May issue.

Watch a Student Get Into a Fight With Her Teacher For Applying Make-up in Class (VIDEO)

A fight that erupted between a student and her teacher at a Stockton, California, high school is caught on camera. The incident escalated when the teacher took the make-up the student was applying during lecture and the student in turn, first of all called her mother before approaching the teacher. A school spokesperson says the teacher is now on leave and the incident is being investigated.
Times have changed o because I can't remember being disrespectful to my teacher without getting the black slapped out of me..

American Idol Plans to Replace Mariah Carey with Jennifer Lopez?!

According to Hollywood Reporter, With ratings in a steep slide, American Idol producers and Fox executives in recent weeks hatched a dramatic plan to jump-start the show: replace judge Mariah Carey with Jennifer Lopez, according to knowledgeable sources. These sources tell The Hollywood Reporter that Carey, who was touted as the big new addition to the judge’s panel this year, responded with a threat of litigation. With that, the plan was dropped, though Idol's producers still are negotiating with Lopez -- who served as a popular judge during the past two seasons -- to appear on the show’s finale in May. And insiders say a search already has begun to replace Carey, most likely Nicki Minaj and possibly the entire judge’s panel for next season.

"This is just another ridiculous Idol judge rumor, likely started by talks of Jennifer performing on the finale," a Fox spokeswoman tells THR in a statement.

Hmmmm...lets hope there won't be a diva fight!

Boyfriend Admits to Beating 19-year-old Girlfirend to Death With a Dumbbell

Still don't understand why people still endure abuse in relationships in this century....A 22-year-old Arizona man turned himself in to police this week and admitted to beating his girlfriend, a 19-year-old college student, to death with a dumbbell in their apartment days earlier. The victim has been identified as Arizona State University junior and Minnesota native Rebecca 'Becky' Kasper, whose decomposing body was discovered in the bathtub in the off-campus apartment she shared with Luis Soltero.

Court documents indicate that Becky Kasper's wrists were handcuffed and her ankles were restrained, and there was blood splatter in the tub, on the walls and floor. The rest of the woman's body was beginning to decay. A blood-covered dumbbell, believed to be the murder weapon, was found on the bathroom floor.

Next to the dumbbell, police discovered an unsigned note wedged into the bathroom doors which read in part: 'I did not treat her right. She deserved better but never accepted it. So I had to make the choice for her.' The author of the rambling missive goes on to say: 'She died on 420 not because of drugs, but because a sociopath talked and treated her nice...I don't know where to go from here. Do I kill again, end it with myself or become invisible.'

Neighbors told police that Soltero and Kasper had a stormy relationship and often could be heard screaming at one another. The leasing office recently had to replace the front door in Soltero's apartment after it was damaged during a fight between the couple. The 19-year-old victim's employer told officials she often came to work with bruises on her arms as if someone grabbed her, although she had never reported domestic abuse.

College Student Wrongfully Accused For The Boston Bombing Found Dead

Police in Providence pulled a man’s body from the Providence River on Tuesday, and authorities said it is “very possible” that it is Sunil Tripathi, 22, a former Brown University student who has been missing since mid-March.

Providence police Lieutenant Joseph Donnelly said Tuesday night that “it’s very, very possible” that the body could be Tripathi’s, but also said authorities will not know for sure until the medical examiner’s office in Providence identifies the body Wednesday morning. Donnelly said Tripathi’s family has not been notified of the body’s recovery.

Donnelly said the body was found in the river behind the Wyndham Garden Providence Hotel at around 6 p.m. The coach of Brown’s rowing team, which practices in that area, saw the body floating in the water and called police, Donnelly said.

Televangelist Juanita Bynum jailed in Dallas for failure to appear in civil proceeding

Gospel performer and televangelist Juanita Bynum spent the night in the Lew Sterrett Justice Center after authorities arrested her on a warrant for her failure to appear in a Dallas civil proceeding against her, according to public records.

The Georgia woman was booked in at the jail about 10:30 p.m. Thursday. She was released after she appeared in a Dallas courtroom earlier today to answer questions in the case, which includes a 2007 judgment ordering her to pay $140,000 to ALW Entertainment.

She has yet to pay the money to promoter Al Wash’s company, his attorney said, though they are hopeful that the case may finally be resolved. Wash sued Bynum for failing to perform in a play for which he had paid her.

“She has disclosed the whereabouts of her assets and her business dealings,” entertainment attorney David Small said.

Bynum has faced controversy in recent years. In 2008, her husband at the time, Thomas Weeks, pleaded guilty to assaulting her and was sentenced to probation, according to reports. The couple later divorced.

HOW TO LOVE A WOMAN

I counsel men who struggle with how to love a woman, specifically how to love their partner. Sometimes it's because of how she looks, sometimes because she doesn't love them very well, and sometimes because they don't like who she is.

The key to how to love a woman is to fall in love with the RIGHT part of her. Advertising tells us to fall in love with how she looks. Hollywood tells us to fall in love with how she loves. Real people, in successful relationships will tell us to fall in love with who she is.

A woman's character is the most beautiful part of her. How to love a woman? Fall in love with that.

Kurt Smith

Three Men Deported From Saudi Arabia For Being "Too Handsome"

This is just plain comedy, why won't they deport them sef....According to a report by Emirates247, several Saudi religious police men stormed the UAE pavilion on Sunday at the festival in the capital Riyadh and evicted three Emirati young men because “they are too handsome. “A festival official said the three Emiratis were taken out on the grounds they are too handsome and that the Commission members feared female visitors could fall for them,” the news service said, adding that the festival’s management took urgent measures to deport the three to Abu Dhabi.

Bela's Corner: Help!..He is Married But Won't Let Me Go.

Dear Belarich,

I read one of your post about a girl in love with a married man, though that's not my case but I think I'm in a similar dilemma. I intern at a bank which is where I met Lyon and the attraction was instant. At first, it was a playful-innocent flirtation because I was constantly reminded of his marital status, so there was nothing else on my mind. You can imagine my shock when he grabbed me one day after work and said I was driving him crazy. I thought it was one of those his jokes but it turned serious when he kissed me and was touching me all over. I knew it wasn't right so I begged him to stop and ran out of the building. This led to series of calls and text messages which I cant really tell the details. I don't like using the office toilet and even going to the basement alone for fear that he might show up.

I know I'm equally responsible for this as well as him, but how do I make him stop this obsession before it gets ugly?! 

Personally, it think avoiding him won't solve anything, so it's best both of you sit and have a mature conversation about it. Or you can resolve to the oldest trick in the book "I'll tell your wife"...lolz....

 

Sick: 23-year-old Man Beats 1-year-old Daughter To Death Based On His Fantasy

I'm sick to my gut just reporting this, because I really don't understand why demons like this roam this earth...According to NYDailyNews, a Florida dad beat his one-year-old baby daughter to death after burning her feet with cigars because he felt "relieved" when causing another person pain, police said. Rony Veus, 23, is accused of throwing tiny Honey to the floor, pulling her hair, throwing her on the bed and forcing her to eat cinnamon as part of a sickening campaign of abuse.

Cops were called to his Apopka home on Thursday after she was found unconscious. She was rushed to the hospital and, suffering from bleeding on the brain, remained in a coma for three days. She died on Saturday.

Doctors, suspecting she had been abused, contacted the police. Veus was initially arrested on charges of aggravated battery on a child, but they have now been upgraded to murder. He reportedly confessed to officers about what he had done, reports Click Orlando. Veus is said to have told detectives that he "felt relieved" when causing her pain or discomfort. He also said he fantasized about harming her.

Bela's Corner: Help, I'm A Newlywed And My Wife Is Allergic To My Semen...

Dear Belarich,

I'm dealing with a serious issue which i'm totally embarrassed to talk about but the longer i keep it, the more terrifying it becomes. I and my wife got married barely 9 months ago and for the fear of God decided not to have sex before marriage. Everything was perfect until we had sex because aftrewards, She had this bizarre reaction; burning, swelling and redness, which was very unusual. At first, I thought she had contracted an STD [sexually transmitted disease]. Horrified, she made an appointment with the gynecologist for testing and was nervous about the result. After several doctors' visits and hours of research online, She finally got some answers, but it derailed our sex life and shook my marriage. The doctor confirmed that she had "Seminal Plasma Hypersensitivity", an allergic reaction to the proteins in my semen. Even using a condom didn't help, so we have avoided intimacy.

My problem now is that I've waited so long for this and now I cant even touch my wife. I'm contemplating divorcing her because I don't want to be unfaithful but I don't want her to feel abandoned. Please what should I do?

Hmmm, please y'all advice him o...what would you do if your wife is allergic to your sperm?

Bela's Corner: Study Shows Bra Makes The Boobs Saggy

According to a recent study by French Scientist 'Professor Jean-Denis Rouillon, from the university of Besancon, women who wear bras have saggier boobs than women who don’t. The study found that bras give no benefit at all in “denying breasts gravity” and claim the underwear is just a “false necessity”.

 The research suggests wearing a bra could actually be sending our busts southwards, and does little to ease back pain. Professor Jean-Denis Rouillon, led the 15-year study into women’s breasts. He said: “Medically, physiologically, anatomically – breasts gain no benefit from being denied gravity. “On the contrary, they get saggier with a bra”.

Do you agree?

South Africa: First Legal African Gay Marriage

A gay couple in South Africa have married in a wedding ceremony uniting Zulu and Tswana traditions, which they hope will send a message to others that “Being gay is as African as being black.” Tshepo Cameron Modisane and Thoba Calvin Sithole, both 27, met several years ago while studying in Durban, but lost contact with each other. A chance meeting in a gym in the suburbs of Johannesburg led to them becoming training partners, then a couple. After three years as boyfriends Mr Modisane proposed in June 2012.

South Africa legalised same-sex marriage in 2006, but the pair still drew media attention as the area’s “first legal gay wedding”. On 6 April the pair were married in a ceremony drawing on traditions from both Mr Modisane’s Tswana and Mr Sithole’s Zulu ancestry. Both wore traditional regalia, asked their ancestors for blessing, and a cow was slaughtered. Gifts were presented to the parents of both men as thanks for raising them.

Beyonce And Jay Z In Trouble Over Trip To Cuba For Their Anniversary

The hip hop duo seem like they've been having the time of their lives in the south-of-the-border country, from going to the University of Arts and taking pictures with students, as well as sight-seeing all they can. At one point, Bey even hopped on a stage and gave a friendly hand kiss to one of the Cuban performers!These two are just unstoppable, and their fans certainly keep them on their toes! While it might be all smiles down in Cuba, it looks like their trip is raising concern for Florida politicians.

According to the NY Daily News, Reps. Ileana Ros-Lehtinen and Mario Diaz-Balart wrote a letter to the director of the U.S. Office of Foreign Assets Control showing concern for their trip. Citizens of the U.S. can't travel to Cuba for tourism, and need a special kind of visa in order to make a trip down there, which is why Beyonce and Jay's raises some eyebrows.

The two reps want an investigation into their trip, and claim that “U.S. dollars spent on Cuban tourism directly fund the machinery of oppression that brutally repressed the Cuban people.”

Ray J Releases New Single Aimed At Kim Kardashian And Kanye West (MUSIC)

Ray J wants Kanye West to know ... when it comes to Kim Kardashian, Kanye's getting sloppy seconds ... because he hit it first.

As you know, Ray J famously had his way with Kim in the epic sex tape, "Kim K Superstar."

TMZ has obtained some of the hysterical lyrics to Ray J's new song, "I Hit It First," which will be released next week ... and they're awesome!

She might move on to rappers and ballplayers
But we all know I hit it first.

I had her head going North and her ass going South
But now baby chose to go West

No matter where she goes or who she knows
She still belongs in my bed.

We're told Ray J is making a music video featuring a Kim look-alike -- pre-pregnancy, we presume. 

Unless he's into that kinda thing.

Al jazeera Reports On Skin Bleaching in Nigeria (VIDEO)

Naija no dey carry last...

Janet Jackson Quits Music Biz to Convert to Islam

As fans all around the world collectively clutch their pearls, reports are surfacing that you may never see Janet Jackson's abs or poetic justice braids again. Apparently, after secretly marrying her hot billionaire husband "Wissam Al Mana", Ms Jackson made the decision to walk away from Hollywood. And now sources her saying she converted to Islamic culture as well...
A source told Showbiz 411 that;

“She’s gone,”. “She married a billionaire. They’ve got houses in three countries. She’s spending time in the Middle East. She’s become a Muslim.”